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difficult convos

The truth is that conflict is everywhere. Although avoiding conflict may feel like the best approach, all avoidance really does is make things worse. Wise leaders understand that what they don't confront will not change.

5 Things To Do.

4 Things Not To Do.

Don't correct them in front of other people. This is just rude and embarrassing to the teammate. Wait for a private moment or set up a private meeting.



Don't resort to personal attacks. Remember to address the problem, not the person.


Don't exaggerate. Stay away from words like "always" or "never." For example, "You're always late. You never show up on time."


Don't leave the problem undealt with. Overcome your fears of conflict, protect the culture of the team, and care for your teammate.


Do conquer your fear. Let's be honest, nobody likes conflict because everyone fears that the conversation won't go well and will only upset our teammate. This concern is valid and should cause you to be careful in your approach, but it can't stop you from having much needed conversations.  


Do prepare for the Conversation. Here are three ways to prepare.

  • Pray before you meet. Prayer humbles us and gives us access to godly wisdom.

  • Get the facts straight. Be sure not to make any assumptions. Be clear and specific.

  • Be prepared to coach them. Come ready to offer next steps and suggestions to help them improve and solve the issue.


Do confront the issue while it's fresh. Remember, the longer you wait to confront, the easier it is for you to make an excuse to avoid it and the more time you give it to grow.


Do watch your words, your ways, and your watch.  It's important to set a positive tone going into the meeting. If you are negative, your teammate will become defensive and argumentative.

  • Your words. Choose your words carefully.

  • Your ways. Control your tone and your body language.

  • Your watch. Don't waste time.


Do apply the "Sandwich Method." The sandwich method begins with encouragement, continues on to the issue, and finishes with encouragement.

  • For example, "When you are serving you're such a big asset to this team. We love having you! The challenge is you've been missing regularly missing your scheduled days to serve. How can we get you to be more consistent? The team loves serving alongside of you."

Here are some important Do's and Don'ts to consider

when having difficult conversations.

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